"We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will be." C.S. Lewis

So I know it's been a while but for fear of too much heaviness here I have kind of refrained from writing. I have never felt so much like a farmer's wife, watching the weather, waking up praying for sunshine, feeling giddy when it is there as it means another day of work for hubby. I swing back and forth between feeling totally hopeless about our situation to having total faith that God is going to see us through this, one way or another.

We have not yet not met our bottom line, mostly due to the gifts of generous people who give out of what little they have. Brian and I were saying how interesting it is that often those with less money are the most likely to be generous. Probably a better recognition that it all comes from and belongs to God anyway. (This is not to say that those with more wealth aren't generous, just in our first hand experience it has all been those with little who have helped us the most) We are certainly learning that. And how to do without. It is hard to be stuck home in the summer. We yearn for and miss the mountains, but are glad to know they will still be there when are heads are back above water. :)

I need to blog about the boys, and add new pictures. It is looooong over due. Soren, my dark, thick hair baby at birth is getting very blond and looks exactly like a miniture of his father.

It took him 1 week short of 11 months to figure out that crawling is worth trying and he is still slow, but learning he can now reach all those cords that aren't supposed to be touched. (Whoever said children aren't smart doesn't have any)

Theo looks more like me, his hair is getting more curly and his comprehension and vocab still blow me out of the water. And nobody reveals the ugliness of my heart and my utter need for more time with God like the T-bird.


Soren's personality is becoming more evident, he has always been laid back, about everything, except for now, we have introduced solids. Seriously o-60 if that spoon is not in his mouth the minute he eyes food, anywhere. And he SO knows when you are feeding him something different from what you are having, and he is NOT letting any of that slip by. Haha I remember T being like that too though when he first started solids. I will have to write more about them another time because this could get sooo long.



Just wanted to update, a non doom and gloom post, mostly cause I feel optomistic right now. lol.

It has been a loooong week. Lots of rain, a sick hubby, (which means no work for most of the week) and well by Friday night I was sitting in the bathroom with the door locked, the fan on and my supper on my lap so I could have some peace and quiet and not snap at somebody. I finished the book One Thousand Gifts, and it was wonderful. Seriously don't like her writing style, but I did love the book. And it gave new meaning to my list, and why I am doing it, and the difference it can make to not only open my eyes too give thanks, but to remember what God has done and is doing.
I was really stressed most of the week about how God is going to provide when there has been so little work this month. I kept trying to tell myself to look for the gifts, to give thanks, but my spirit wanted to complain. I am reading in Numbers right now though and reading again about how the Israelites always complained and forgot so easily God's goodness, and I realized how much like them I was being in my own attitude, in my heart. It was a good lesson. I think my fear is not that he won't provide but what that will look like. He doesn't have to give us enough to pay the bills, and He would still be Good. There are people all over the world, without work, without food, without homes, but God is still Good and He is still present. I just want at least the bottom line, and a little extra for spending would be nice too. But He doesn't have to give that, and I need to be ok with what that would look like, and I need to stop looking at the future and what it might be like, because the only moment I have is now, and He has provided and I need to give thanks!!! Anyway, that is me, this week, hoping for a better attitude this week.

Love reliving the beach sunsets through pictures..Definitely a gift.

Home again, Home again

We made it. We have traveled over 8000miles in the last month, and in three very looong days we finally made it home. It was a bit insane but we did it and I have to say that the boys did amazing, really amazing in the car. It is good to keep your expectations low, but don't underestimate your kids either. And it helps if your children aren't used to always being entertained by you, at home or in the car. I have never been one to spend a lot of time entertaining T and it really pays off. He made up his own games in the back a lot, and I don't think I even went through all the new toys I had brought for him cause he just didn't need them. And he hardly watched any of the movies I brought as a last resort. Soren sucked on his toes more then he played with toys. :) I am proud of those boys!
Anyway, I am having re-entry issues. lol. I miss my country and my family and it didn't really hit me until we crossed the border. It is easy to forget what you are missing when you are gone from a place for a long time, you learn to adapt and adjust and try and grow in the environment you are in. But then you get a taste of what you are missing, the times with family, the richness of those relationship, the convenience of shopping and whole foods, the inexpensiveness of clothes and houses, the familiarity of things that you have grown up with, a church that is rich in theology and teaching, a place where you can't walk away feeling convicted and unchanged in your walk with God and it always takes me a while to settle back in to this life. I know in my mind I sometimes build up the idea of moving to my home where I grew up, it seems the utopia to me, that life would be the best. And I still believe that on some level there would be some things that I know would be better for us. However, as time goes on, I am realizing that there needs to be a change in my mind. I NEED to stop living in the mindset that a better life is out there, somewhere other then here. It is very detrimental not only to my family but to myself, and most importantly it is not the way that God would have me live.
I was sharing with a dear lady about my struggle with wanting perfection, in my marriage, in my parenting, in my friendships. I think I have shared about this before on my blog. And she said to me very plainly that it was a matter of pride. A problem of not accepting my brokenness and my constant need for God. That was good for me to hear and I am so thankful for the godly people that speak into my life. So from now on this year I am going to work on being more present, more thankful for today, not just the day or my children, but even for the physical location of where God has placed me in this world. I have had the privilege of seeing many beautiful things (It feels trivial to write that, the words still don't do it justice) in my home country and I am thankful for that opportunity, it was something we never dreamed we would be able to do like we did, and I will always see it as a gift from the Lord. But being on this trip and all the time to think in the car on the way home I realized that it's time to get back to life here and now. To be present in the days and moments I am living right now.
I took over 800 pictures, and could have taken many more. I will try and post more in the next little while and maybe I will put some on fb. Here are a few now...
It was raining, the kids were sleeping, so I ran up, saw the falls, asked someone to snap a picture, ran back to the car, got in, it started pouring, and the kids woke up. :) Good times.


The boys on the beach, one of my favourites.


What it looked like when we went anywhere with the kids. :)

In the last few weeks I have...

- Soaked up a lot of Sun! This isn't always the sunniest spot, but the sun has been kind to us, and there has been a lot of it.

- Explored tide pools with two three year olds and learned all about the little and big creatures that live in them.

-Held a live star fish

-Been to two aquariums

-Concluded that I do not enjoy looking at live octopus

-Also concluded that schools of fish are really really cool!

-Stayed in a house that has 5 children 3 and under and 7 adults occupying it most of the time.

-Taken over an hour to get ready to go to the beach only to leave the beach a half hour later because a storm is blowing in and we are all ready for a nap.

-Saw the Redwoods for the first time

-Got a ring from Hubs for our 5th Anniversary. (Story of rings to come when we get home)

-Celebrated 5 years of marriage with hubs watching the sunset on the beach and eating cheesecake from whole foods and talking about life and how thankful we our for God's grace to us.

-Been to Whole Foods A Lot! (I really like this place, can you tell?)

-Been outlet shopping

-Celebrated my brothers 24th birthday

-Celebrated my mumsy's 60 birthday (She still has more energy then me though :) ) by giving her an iPad from all of us.

-Loved watching T play with his cousins

-Witnessed Soren's first temper tantrum. That's right, sweet little Soren can have quite the little temper on him. :)

-Done lots of laundry in the most lovely washer and dryer.

-Driven on the most beautiful drive down the coast and seen things that I will forever hold in my memory as breath taking

-Praised God for his creation and how beautiful he made this earth and that we get to ENJOY it!!

-Been dreading the long 3 to 4 days that will be spent in the car to get home.

-Missed my friends and realized how blessed and thankful I am to have friends that really love God

-Been trying to catch up on all the great BBC movies that have come out. (Which is really hard when they are all 7ish hours long and you are too tired to keep your eyes open most nights after 9:30)

-Overall had a wonderful time, spending time with my family, playing on the play ground, the beach, the mall, in the car, having camp fires, watching the waves and sunsets, having time to rest, staying up too late and over all continuing to thank God for this opportunity to get away and experience new things and see new places and be able to come back refreshed and ready for whatever God has in store for us.

I am too tired to add pictures, but I will try to share more soon. Here is just one however, one of my favorite views that I have seen on this trip.



Ok so I have to add the one of the boys cause I am a mother and I just couldn't help myself, I think they are darling. Especially with the ocean behing them. :)

Lots of Pictures

So tomorrow ends almost two weeks on the road, not staying more then one place for a few nights. It will be nice to settle for a while, not pack and unpack every night. It has been great to see new places but totally different when you don't have a personal tour guide through all of them and family to stay with. The responsibility of everything rests on you and you can't just go look around and be carefree. I am glad we did it, it gives a great perspective on what it is like to do big trips with kids, what is realistic and what isn't, how to schedule things so you don't wear out, or wear your kids out too much. By the time we get to a hotel most nights, which has been around 4 or 5pm the last few days, I am so wiped out I just go to bed after the kids are settled. It's crasy how tiring it is to travel. Anyway, blah blah bla, sorry for all the rambling, the real point of this post is to post pictures, just wanted to add some thoughts on our trip. There is a sad lack of one's of Soren here, some I haven't loaded on yet, but for lots of these things he was in the Ergo or snoozing in the stroller. :)

First Starbucks, my mom will appreciate this the most I think. :)


Pikes Place Starbucks Mugs


Watching these guys making cheese (Making sure all the water is draining out the ends)


The boys watching them stir the cheese



T-bird outside the aquriam, excited to go see some fish!. :)


My favorite little creatures at the aquariam, they are so cute and friendly, these ottors.


At the Aquariam. I saw my first live octopus, and it was one of the most disgusting things I have even seen. Gross. So I didn't take a picture, just this one of T


Loving showing my kiddos the ocean, God is so amazing.


Soren at Cannon Beach


Theo looking at the waves


Laughing as he runs away from the waves. This was a game him and I played. This is before the fall, later that evening. :)


How T felt about being near the ocean after he fell in. (The next day)


Happily playing in the sand far from the water


More to come of the two boys at the beach, Portland, and beyond...

Random Bullets

- My Grandpa's funeral is today. I wish I was there to say goodbye, to have closure. He was such a dear kind man, and I will miss him.
- We hit a wall on this trip, meaning we felt so exhausted from all the traveling around in the last week or so that we went to bed at 8pm, all of us. And it was good. :)
- It rained on the one full day we were in Seattle and we walked in it a lot. It was kind of fun, we were glad we had the chariot for the boys as they were dry and warm.
- At Pike's Place Market there is a cheese shop where you can watch them make cheese in the morning (see point below) and lots of it is made with raw milk (still my beating heart) and we bought fresh cheese curds. It doesn't get much better then that.
- Having boys that awake between 6 and 7am gives you the advantage of seeing places before most people are out and about.
- I got to do some laundry today (at 7am) and I just love it. Have I mentioned that before? I LOVE doing laundry, I think it is a tie between that and vaccuming for my favorite household chores.
- Oregen is by far the most beautiful state I have ever been in, and therefore hands down my favorite state. It is just so green and I am seeing more beauty then my little heart can contain.
- Went to a book store today, it is a City of Books (part of it's title) and it has new and used, is several floors and it's safe to say I could spend hours on end in there and way too much money. I of course can't spend to my hearts content, but I was able to get the boys a few books I was looking for, mostly all used, for about 3-4 dollars and in great condition. Just writing about it makes me want to go back for more. :) I found Little Blue Truck and Little Blue Truck Leads the Way (a couple of T's favorites from the library), Jamberry, Click Clack Moo, Cows that Type (I think that book is SO funny, I bought it more for me, lol), Time of Wonder, and A Birthday for Bear.
- God has shown himself to us in amazing ways on this trip, I can't even tell you how blessed I feel. Little gifts of money here and there, places to stay, deals on hotel rooms, good gas milage (way better then we expected), gift cards for food and the list goes on. It is so thrilling to see him present on this trip.
- One small example is that at one place we stayed they gave us their best room, that walked out right to the beach, for the price of their cheapest room. Just cause. Now if that isn't a gift, I am not sure what is.
- A few more days on the road and we will be at my Brothers house. We can't wait to stay in one spot for a while, but are so thankful for this opportunity to see all these WONDERFUL places. Now for Brian to just figure out what he wants to do..... Keep pryaing. :)
P.S. Am having trouble getting pictures to here, but more to come soon, I promise. I have some good ones. :)

Sea to shining Sea

Sorry for the last disjointed post, I was in a hurry. Found out yesterday that my grandpa passed away suddenly of a heart attack. He was older, so you know that the day is coming, but it still feels sudden, and sad. Also a good reminder that our days are in His hands. We just never know what tomorrow will bring. It is hard to know how to grieve. We have wonderful memories with Grandpa Lew, but we never spent loads of time together or lived in the same state. I think because I am not there the grieving will be more of a slow process. I feel worse for my dear mumsy and for Grandpa's wife and children and brothers and sisters, the people that are more affected on a day to day basis. I pray that God will be glorified through this as none of the rest of the family know him on a personal level. I think I grieve that the most, that I don't know if I will ever see him again.

Anyway, I hope it doesn't seem harsh to move on from that subject, but it's going to take time to process, and our trip continues on. We spend another fullish day in the car today and I must say that the boys do amazing. WAY beyond my expectations. We shall see when we have to spend two days at a time, but for now, they are doing great. This city we are in now is amazing and we are so excited to go explore tomorrow. We are staying right downtown, took us two hours to find a place to park because we have a top carrier on our van. Note to self, not a good idea for the city.

The drive today was SO beautiful and I can't even do it justice with words or pictures but I feel so in awe of God's creation. It never gets old. I have now been along much of the East coast and now along the West and it is just all so unique and wonderful. There is something about it all that just refreshes my spirit and I just want to spend all my time outdoors and in trees and mountians.
Ok, I will stop blabbing now and share some pictures from our trip so far.
Peek-a-Boo in the car :)



Worlds Largest Truck