Thanksgiving

So today is Thanksgiving in the States and I am sad to be missing this holiday. Christmas is a great time to be with family, and I do miss not being with my side at Christmas time some years, but there is something about Thanksgiving that is harder. I think it is partly because where I am and where they are celebrate Thanksgiving at different times and so I always feel like I am missing out, and today, where I am, just goes on like every other day, so it is hard to get in the spirit here. That and my family is just oh so much fun to hang out with anytime, and when you add amazing food too that, well, it's just a big old party!

All that to say I do have many many things to be thankful for and I don't have the energy to write them out, maybe some other time, but I am most thankful for God's faithfulness this year. Somehow that has just stood out to me so much this year and I am amazed at really how faithfull he is to his people. I often get frusterated with the Isrealites, constantly turning from God to their own idols after all that God does and continues to do for them. Yet, if I look at my own life honestly, that is just me in my own ways. I have different idols, but they are stil idols, and they keep me from God all the same, and I often seem to prefer them to him, sadly. And yet he is faithful to me. I am thankful!

Well, that is all for now, Little T is napping and I think I will too. Happy Thanksgiving.

Wordless Wednesday

Daily Manna

So we moved this last weekend, it was horrible. Probably the worst week of the whole year. I do not recommend moving twice in six months, not good for a body. I don't think I had recovered from the last move. Anyway, it is almost over and we are S l o w l y getting settled, but Brian and Theo have been sick so that makes it hard to get much done. Theo needs to be snuggled and I need Brian's muscles to get things moved around, so we are stuck in chaos for the moment.
So I have really been struggling with the whole infertility thing. I am watching people have babies who got pregnant like 6 months after we started trying for number 2! And most people are starting to have their second. It makes me ache, and it's painful. There is nothing I am more passionate about then being a mother, I want a WHOLE house full of kids and I want them spaced apart so that they are born by the last child's second birthday. It seems like everybody around here gets to have their kids the exact spacing that they were hoping for, so why not me? How could God possibly think it was best for kids to be more then two years apart? How could he possibly have something better in mind for me then me having lots of children? I know all the scriptural answers to these things, I have just felt like allowing the anger and bitterness dominate in my mind lately. And it is showing all through my spirit and attitude and life. In a little over a week it is beginning to overwhelm and consume me. It is scary. Up until tonight I haven't cared. But then I got my daily portion of manna.

You know how when they Israelites wandered in the desert for 40 years and God sent them daily manna? Notice that it wasn't weekly manna, or monthly manna, it was daily manna! He knew that the daily manna was the best portion for them. He didn't give them too much or too little, just enough for ONE day! Well, I read a book once about how when we struggle with things, mostly unmet desires, God wants to meet us where our hearts are, in the things we desire. (And another interesting thing here is that often the things that we desire are good things, like more children, but that doesn't mean we get them)Well, one of the ways God meets us is by sending us daily manna, to continue to make us aware of his presence and remind us of his love. Today I got a note from a friend that I don't talk with much. She had seen some of my facebook status's and sensed my discouragement. She said that God had laid me on her heart, and she sent me a card, shared her heart and gave me this quote, "We hold God's name in contempt when we fail to trust Him." Wow was that ever enough to jerk me out of this funk back to the truth about who God is. My sinful reactions to life's situations bring dishonor to him. His glory is at stake.

"God forgive me for my attitude, help me to trust, and help me not the think small thoughts about You. And thank you for my daily manna that you knew I needed!"

Moving

So we are moving for the 4th time in 3 1/2 years. One of those moves was from one floor of an apt. building to another, so not really a major one, but the rest of them...a lot of work. They say that 3 big moves = 1 house fire because you tend to get rid of so many things each time you move. It is true. I am finding that the more we move the less I want to keep hauling around. It is good. Oh, and I should mention that all this moving has been in the same town. sigh. The worst part is that I feel bad when we move because I feel like (esp. this time) we are dissapointing people. The land lords mostly, but still. I am too empathetic for my own good sometimes and I just feel bad when people are dissapointed. I know it is part of life and I wish sometimes I could just turn off the feelings, but it never works that way.
Part of the reason for this blog is also because my two dearest friends are not longer close by, and I miss having a person to process things with and share my heart. The phone just isn't the same. I find writing helps me 'get it all out' so to speak.
Anyway, all that to say that I am emotionally exhausted from caring what people think. Not in the sense that I won't do something cause people might not like it, more in the sense that I know it is making somebody else's life more difficult (i.e. the land lord's having to search for new/good tenants). I just feel bad about it all.
Well, that is all I have to say for tonight. Just processing all this, need to be more faithful about giving it to the Lord....

Hello blog world

So I had a xanga account which I never use anymore cause I don't really like xanga anymore. But with so many things happening in my life I felt the need to have some sort of outlet and I really like what I have seen on blogspot so far. So, I am hoping that I will have some sort of dedication to this blog. My goal is to write at least once a week. We shall see. Anyway, here is my first attempt. I will write more in detail later.