I am in serious need of an attitude adjustment these days. That and maybe just more time in the Word, or sometime in the Word instead to none. I have not been a very good mother lately, especially today, and I feel sorry for my children.

Vacation was wonderful and I don't ever feel ready to leave the mountains. I feel like I could camp forever. The simplicity, the views, trees, water, mountains, I just can't get enough, ever. Not that I don't think the prairies have a beauty of their own, but I am in LOVE with the mountains. And the trees were changing color's, there are just no words or pictures to do it justice, but the views do something for my soul.

I miss a lot of people tonight. People from back home, my dear dear parents, and my church, dear friends that have left this town. Heaven just gets sweeter the more that I say goodbye. But I am beginning to hate goodbye's more and more. I would never want to hold anyone back from where they are going, but the loss feels so great sometimes, and the voids they leave that are never filled, because there is no one just like them.
Ok, so not a very happy post, but tomorrow is a new day, and thankfully His mercies are new every morning.

Randomness

- I am finally coming out of my haze and feeling more like a normal person again. I don't cry everyday anymore and the c-section still hurts, but I decided that it's time to move on from that, stop focusing on it, and enjoy my two precious boys. So I wear Soren in a wrap even if it hurts, and I hold Theo on my lap even if he elbows me in the stomach every now and then and I would have to say that I am happier.
- Theo adores his brother, asks to hold him all the time, and goes up to him and says, 'Hi sweets, what are you doing sweets? Are you looking at me?' It is so cute. He calls Soren a she, asks what's she's doing or if she's crying. We will have to work on that.

- Talk about monkey see, monkey do, Theo decided he needed to breastfeed his baby like I do Soren. This was a conversation I was not prepared for, so I have just let it be, and figure it will work itself out. I hope, lol. He try's to feed his baby through his belly button and he is very patient about waiting for a burp. It really is funny.


- More of Theo's phrases... He calls chipmunks monkey chips, (lol) and milkshakes are shake-a-milk. I must call Brian honey a lot because he always wants to know 'what honey is doing', or 'where is honey', or says 'I go see honey mom.' He told Brian the other day to ask him a question. So random sometimes.
- Soren smiled at Brian and I both yesterday, he has such a sweet smile. He is still a wonderful baby, fairly easy most of the time. It is weird having another child sometimes, we have almost forgot him in the house twice sitting in his car seat ready to go. He is just so quiet and we are still not used to carting him around. :) But it is fun to look in the back and see two children. Oh and his beautiful head of hair is curly on top when it is wet. Man I love his hair! I am trying not to be too attached to his hair cause there is still a chance he could lose it all. But it is just so great. (Here are some attempts at getting pictures of his great, curly hair)


- We are leaving on Tuesday for a week of camping vacation and I am so beyond excited I can't even tell you. We haven't gotten to get out much this summer, just with my pregnancy and such, so we are headed to the mountains and I am going to take a gazillion pictures and spend every evening in front of the camp fire and watch Theo run and play and get all the outdoor time his little heart can desire. I might even indulge in some S'mores, I hope Soren can tolerate them. :) I know Brian is excited too, and I think we really need this before the cold weather sets in and we are stuck indoors (mostly) for the winter.
- I think that is all for now. I will put pictures up of our trip when we return.

So after Theo was born life was bliss. I held him for the first time and nothing could be wrong with the world after that. For the first time I had a baby, of my own, that I wasn't taking care of for someone else and then would have to give back, he was mine, and I loved it! I thought I would feel the same when I had Soren. Now don't get me wrong, holding him is bliss and oh how I LOVE him! He is just the sweetest big baby and is so good to his mama with all his sleeping. :) But the world doesn't seem as bright as it did after Theo was born.
I know I am in need of an attitude adjustment these days, I feel frustrated more often then not and every time I turn around I feel like there is some limitation that reminds me of why I hate c-sections. I feel like complaining about that a lot. I had a fever on and off all weekend and back pain enough to make me want really strong drugs, which I usually hate and try to avoid at all costs. I feel so behind on everything, and I mean like everything, like life. I can't keep up. It turned fall overnight here and I almost panic inside thinking that winter is so close. I don't mind winter, for about 4 months, but this last one seemed SO looooong to me and I just don't feel ready to do it again. I LOVE fall, I just don't like that winter comes so quickly after it.
Anyway, I just really need to refocus here, remember that I just had a baby and that it's ok to be a bit behind for a while, but I am just finding it hard this time around.
I will end this with some pictures now to try and redeem this pathetic post a little. :)
Theo Loving his bike these days.

3 weeks old and 12lbs now. I hope he levels out by 3 months like Theo did cause I hate that he is growing so fast.

I love his chubby cheeks and his super soft full head of hair!