It has been a loooong week. Lots of rain, a sick hubby, (which means no work for most of the week) and well by Friday night I was sitting in the bathroom with the door locked, the fan on and my supper on my lap so I could have some peace and quiet and not snap at somebody. I finished the book One Thousand Gifts, and it was wonderful. Seriously don't like her writing style, but I did love the book. And it gave new meaning to my list, and why I am doing it, and the difference it can make to not only open my eyes too give thanks, but to remember what God has done and is doing.
I was really stressed most of the week about how God is going to provide when there has been so little work this month. I kept trying to tell myself to look for the gifts, to give thanks, but my spirit wanted to complain. I am reading in Numbers right now though and reading again about how the Israelites always complained and forgot so easily God's goodness, and I realized how much like them I was being in my own attitude, in my heart. It was a good lesson. I think my fear is not that he won't provide but what that will look like. He doesn't have to give us enough to pay the bills, and He would still be Good. There are people all over the world, without work, without food, without homes, but God is still Good and He is still present. I just want at least the bottom line, and a little extra for spending would be nice too. But He doesn't have to give that, and I need to be ok with what that would look like, and I need to stop looking at the future and what it might be like, because the only moment I have is now, and He has provided and I need to give thanks!!! Anyway, that is me, this week, hoping for a better attitude this week.

Love reliving the beach sunsets through pictures..Definitely a gift.

Home again, Home again

We made it. We have traveled over 8000miles in the last month, and in three very looong days we finally made it home. It was a bit insane but we did it and I have to say that the boys did amazing, really amazing in the car. It is good to keep your expectations low, but don't underestimate your kids either. And it helps if your children aren't used to always being entertained by you, at home or in the car. I have never been one to spend a lot of time entertaining T and it really pays off. He made up his own games in the back a lot, and I don't think I even went through all the new toys I had brought for him cause he just didn't need them. And he hardly watched any of the movies I brought as a last resort. Soren sucked on his toes more then he played with toys. :) I am proud of those boys!
Anyway, I am having re-entry issues. lol. I miss my country and my family and it didn't really hit me until we crossed the border. It is easy to forget what you are missing when you are gone from a place for a long time, you learn to adapt and adjust and try and grow in the environment you are in. But then you get a taste of what you are missing, the times with family, the richness of those relationship, the convenience of shopping and whole foods, the inexpensiveness of clothes and houses, the familiarity of things that you have grown up with, a church that is rich in theology and teaching, a place where you can't walk away feeling convicted and unchanged in your walk with God and it always takes me a while to settle back in to this life. I know in my mind I sometimes build up the idea of moving to my home where I grew up, it seems the utopia to me, that life would be the best. And I still believe that on some level there would be some things that I know would be better for us. However, as time goes on, I am realizing that there needs to be a change in my mind. I NEED to stop living in the mindset that a better life is out there, somewhere other then here. It is very detrimental not only to my family but to myself, and most importantly it is not the way that God would have me live.
I was sharing with a dear lady about my struggle with wanting perfection, in my marriage, in my parenting, in my friendships. I think I have shared about this before on my blog. And she said to me very plainly that it was a matter of pride. A problem of not accepting my brokenness and my constant need for God. That was good for me to hear and I am so thankful for the godly people that speak into my life. So from now on this year I am going to work on being more present, more thankful for today, not just the day or my children, but even for the physical location of where God has placed me in this world. I have had the privilege of seeing many beautiful things (It feels trivial to write that, the words still don't do it justice) in my home country and I am thankful for that opportunity, it was something we never dreamed we would be able to do like we did, and I will always see it as a gift from the Lord. But being on this trip and all the time to think in the car on the way home I realized that it's time to get back to life here and now. To be present in the days and moments I am living right now.
I took over 800 pictures, and could have taken many more. I will try and post more in the next little while and maybe I will put some on fb. Here are a few now...
It was raining, the kids were sleeping, so I ran up, saw the falls, asked someone to snap a picture, ran back to the car, got in, it started pouring, and the kids woke up. :) Good times.


The boys on the beach, one of my favourites.


What it looked like when we went anywhere with the kids. :)