Motherhood

Today has been a much better day! Like I mentioned in the last post some things around here really need to change. Starting with my attitude most days. :)

I am finding though that as much as I love being out and about every morning it isn't really the best thing for the kids. It is nice for T to get out of the house and play with friends, and it's great to visit with other mom's, but I am seeing that T's behaviour is suffering from it. Being out is not always conducive to dealing with disobedience, and we have seen T's defiance hit a whole new level recently. So I think it is time to stay home more than go out in the mornings and spend some time working on things. This is, after all, my job, and I need to walk in obedience to God when it comes to training my children. I want them to learn absolute obedience at this stage because I truly believe that one day it will be easier for them to obey God without knowing why are what the outcome will be.

Another thing is that I really want to homeschool, and I was thinking about how it would probably be a good idea to set aside time now to start working on verses, counting, alphabet ect. This little boy is such a sponge and why not start now, so that when it becomes more structured and more intense I guess, it will already be part of our routine.

I have felt more lately the weight of this thing called motherhood. It is such a high calling. I have been thinking a lot about Mary this Christmas. What was it like for her to find out she was pregnant when she wasn't probably mentally ready to be at all? What was it like to go through labor in a barn? How did Joseph handle labor, did he know how to help Mary, encourage her, who cut the cord, or was there a cord? I digress.... The song Labor of Love by Andrew Peterson just really made me think about what did Mary feel that night as she experienced labor for the first time with probably just animals and Joseph there with her? Birth seems to be a big subject in this town, and the kind of birth most people would like to have, but really only God knows and ordains that and I am pretty sure if you had to ask Mary it was nowhere on her birth plan to give birth in a stable!

It was not a silent night
There was blood on the ground
You could hear a woman cry
In the alleyways that night
On the streets of David's town

And the stable was not clean
And the cobblestones were cold
And little Mary full of grace
With the tears upon her face
Had no mother's hand to hold

It was a labor of pain
It was a cold sky above
But for the girl on the ground in the dark
With every beat of her beautiful heart
It was a labor of love

Also I was struck by the song Candlelight Carol, and the verse that says this...
Shepherds and wisemen will kneel and adore him,
Seraphim round him their vigil will keep;
Nations proclaim him their Lord and their Savior,
but Mary will hold him and sing him to sleep.

What an amazing challenge and privilege for Mary. What do I hold in my arms? Secretly I sometimes hope it is another Martin Luther, or John Calvin, or Hudson Taylor or Keith Green (I hope one of them play piano like that). How am I preparing my boys for that kind of calling? I so want to learn the balance between being hard enough on myself to act and train and love these children as God has called me too, and being too hard on myself so that some days training them feels hopeless, and my sins are overwhelming to me. I am for sure overwhelmed and thankful for his grace.